Sunday, July 5, 2020

Wasting time on the Telly

       During the shutdown I have watched FAR more television than I normally do. Most of it varied between wretched and horrible, but there were a few bright spots. If you have access to cable channels Amazon Prime is you friend, Netflix less so and Hulu just stinks. Here is my watch/don't watch list based on my viewing (and taste);

       Netflix, The Siege of Jadotville, tells the story of the Irish Army unit sent by the newly formed U.N. into Africa to help keep the peace in a place that wanted no peace. The heroic stand of the Irish troops after they were effectively abandoned by the U.N. is covered,  as is their shameful treatment when they returned to Ireland. Well scripted, brilliantly cast and well acted this will keep you on the edge of your seat. Watch it!    

       Amazon Prime, The Admiral, there are several movies with this title so be careful, the one I'm talking about is a Dutch film about their famous Admiral DeRuyter. Good casting, good acting, decent score, lovely CGI of the ships and a pretty accurate telling of his story. If you like boats or a great old-fashioned adventure tale this will suit you fine, me, I could watch it just for the boats.

        Netflix, Our Last Men In The Phillipines, At the fall of the Phillipines to the US and the subsequent change of management following the Spanish-American War there was a small garrison of Spanish troops holding out against the guerilla. The outgoing Spanish officials either assumed they were dead or failed to order then to withdraw. These poor souls held out for months not knowing that the U.S. was running the show. A tale of pointless heroism, they were heroic nonetheless. Easy enough to follow despite being subtitled. Well worth the watch.

        Amazon Prime, Tankers, The true (or mostly so) story of a Russian KV-1 crew doing heroic things during WW2. Story was way overblown on the "personal issues" side (all sorts to twisting story-lines and the usual unnecessary romantic nonsense) but on the strictly "tank-porn" side it is great! Real KV-1s and T-34s abound and the tanks refitted to look like Panzers are well done and look the part . The battle scenes give you a feel for the claustrophobic nature of manning a tank. It would have made a good one-hour documentary, they fluffed it out into a theatrical mess. I watched it solely for the tanks (thank God for fast-forward!).

       Netflix, Mission of Honor, deftly tells the tale of the Polish pilots that escaped the fall of Poland and flew for the British during the Battle of Britain.  An intriguing tale, well done script, good acting, and I just love Hurricanes so there is the airplane porn factor. A movie worth watching.

       Amazon Prime, Tanks for Stalin (Yes that IS the title) The mostly true story of how the T-34 got road-tested and delivered to Stalin for approval. Another Russian production with all of the flaws of Tankers. Real T-34s, loads of inside shots. Again worth it for the tank porn, the story is silly and amusing, you might even want to watch this one.

       History Channel, Grant, a three part series telling his story from childhood to death. It stays very middle of the road on the "genius"/"drunken butcher". Good characterization, good acting , better than average script,  I'm no "far-be" but the uniforms and equipment looked to be accurate. Battle scenes were unflinching and clearly not shot on some back-lot in California. I enjoyed it a great deal. Worth the time.

       Amazon Prime, Fortress, if you want to watch what is essentially a new-made version of a 1940s movie this is it. All the corny tropes are hammered home with relentless clammy-handed fervor; The Hick Kids In The Service  might have been the working title. CGI is below World of Warplanes quality and manages to cram in a bad CGI version of every bizarre moment of air combat footage caught on real film during the war. Avoid this, mow your lawn, mow your neighbor's lawn, reorganize your sock drawer, anything.

       Amazon Prime, War of Loong, gives us the Chinese side of the French intervention in Viet Nam in the 1880s. Marred by all the martial-arts tropes that you could squeeze in the movie does a decent job of telling the story of resistance to the French invaders. Uniforms look well done and most of the weapons appear to be correct. Acting and scoring are way over-the-top but this IS a Chinese action movie and their expectations are rather different. Watch this if it is too hot to go outside, or if you get bored of the usual fare.

       HULU Air Strike, I think this is a Chinese production with pasted-in appearances by Bruce Willis and Adrien Brody. This one is a nightmare. Lousy illogical story, paper cut-out characters from a 1940s movie abound, cheesy acting and below-free-videogame level CGI. I would sand my face off rather than watch this stinker again.

        Amazon Prime, Cromwell, a terrible tiresome overacted movie; fast forward through to the battle scenes and you will happily miss all the preachy Anglo-Saxon religious intolerance. There are probably forty minutes worth watching, but they ARE worth watching. How many other movies do you know of that have pike and shot formations and lobster cavalry galloping about? Watch the rest of the movie if you like, but don't blame me.

        Amazon Prime, Broadside, a long, evenly paced documentary covering the Anglo-Dutch Wars (and a LOT of the history surrounding them). CGI is not impressive but it is used to illustrate the lecture, not suspend disbelief. Acted scenes intersperse with the commentator's  narration. Best consumed in smaller portions but interesting and does a good job of illuminating the complex political situation that the Dutch and English found themselves in during the second half of the 1600s. More educational than entertaining, but I found it intriguing.

        History Channel, Washington, a three part series following the ups and downs of George Washington's life from childhood the his death. Good coverage of his early years and some of his spectacular failures. The telling of the tale is interrupted by "experts"  (Bill Clinton is an expert in what?) some of who provide useful information, others are of little value. The script and acting are  good but I was constantly bothered by the thinness of the actors (a skinny Henry Knox? really???).
Battle scenes were small suggesting that they used local re-enactors but were not terrible. Accurate as far as I could tell and evenly paced. Well worth the rather considerable amount of time.

       Amazon Prime, The Day of the Siege, covers the lifting of the siege of Vienna with the help of Jan Sobieski and his Polish army. Lots of action, some pretty hammy. Leopold I gets a rough treatment but he was a bit of a fop. Sobieski is just this side of Superman, but he DID save Vienna. A well told and well acted movie. Very much worth your time. Plus, they have winged hussars!!!!!

       Amazon Prime, Tobago 1677, this was an off-the-wall chance pick. The documentary covers the conflict between the Dutch Republic and France for the island of Tobago in the year 1677. CGI of the ships is pretty good, decent looking uniforms on the troops (uniforms were just really getting started back then so I can't confirm the level of accuracy).  An interesting bit of coverage of colonial affairs that does not involve England for once. Worth the time.

        Two series, Barkskins and Jamestown, physically pretty good but after watching a few episodes they just seemed to be Downton Abbey with rude people and more trees. Your Mileage May Vary. Useful if you are scratchbuilding some colonial era buildings, I guess.

        If you aren't concerned about anything other than entertainment Netflix does have Inglorious Basterds and Battle L.A.; both are meaningless excuses for shooting up everything in sight and require little mental effort to follow the story, but every once in a while you need some mental cotton candy.

No comments:

Post a Comment